All The Things He's Not
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: Castle isn't super strong or much of a runner and he's certainly never attempted to break down a door before. But there he is, running and breaking down doors, because he can't consider the possibility that she's gone. Castle/Beckett Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** Nope, don't own a thing. Mistakes are mine.

**A/n:** I adore _Castle_ and have been wanting to dabble in the fandom for a while now, but haven't been struck with the right inspiration. Count on it to roll in my head right when I'm supposed to be sleeping and get typed up on my lunch break (dang plot bunnies). Anyways, takes place during "Tick, Tick" and "Boom" (of course). Also, it's purposely a little run-on and rambly, taking place more or less over a few minutes. Enjoy!

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**All The Things He's Not**

He's not super athletic. Sure he works out from time to time (certainly less than he should but enough that he can feel good about going to the gym and actually using the overpriced membership), and he tries to eat well (okay, so really it's Alexis who makes him eat well and scolds him for having canned whip cream for breakfast, but it's not like he does it all the time). What he's trying to say, is that he's not a marathon runner or a runner at all, for that matter.

So running faster than he thought he was physically capable of running for like twenty-something blocks is not a simple task (because driving was proving to be way too slow, with stop lights and traffic and other people, so he left his car back there somewhere, probably unlocked so he hopes it doesn't get stolen, although he's thankful he at least had the piece of mind to pocket his keys). He's definitely not used to this kind of physical labour, as evidenced by the sharp stitch in his side and the way his breathing is ripping through his chest, his body jolting with every pounding step on the pavement. Like everyone else in the world, he's experienced the irritating pain of a stitch in his side before but usually he clutches at it and slows down and tries to make it go away.

He's written about his characters "pushing through the pain" but it's not like he's ever had the experience behind that particular phrase (unless you want to count that time in fourth grade when he skinned his knee pretty badly but still had to do laps in the gym with everyone else, but he doesn't). Now he does, and he understands what it means: running for twenty-something blocks (maybe it's more thirty or fifty-something, because that's what it feels like) with pain in your side and your chest and you don't even notice because you're mind is singularly focused on something else. Something that makes his current pain royally insignificant, and something that would probably trump his life's collective pain if it really happens, if the killer really got her. He can't help but consider the possibility because she's not answering her phone.

_Nikki will burn..._

He's not super strong. He doesn't have a pile of muscles at his disposal, he's not terribly agile, and he's certainly never attempted to break down a door before (okay, so he did try that one time, when Derek Storm was trying to get to the hostage, he'd actually gotten up and repeatedly kicked and slammed himself into the door trying to break it and see how easy it was - or hard, as it turned out - before he gave up and wrote a less painful way for Derek to get to the hostage). He doesn't waste time with the elevator (it probably doesn't work anyways at this point - don't they shut those off in fire emergencies?) and takes the stairs four or five at a time, falling repeatedly but unable to slow down even for a fraction of a second. He can still see the explosion fresh in his mind's eye, blowing out the windows and he thinks he can still feel the heat of it on his face. He stopped moving for just a moment in shock and horror, letting his phone fall out of numb and frightened fingers, before he took off again, straight for the building that was on fire.

There's people screaming, many fighting their way down the stairwell as he barrels up, not even able to apologize to those he knocks aside. He finally makes it to her floor and her door and he doesn't hesitate. It's easier than he imagined, probably because the blast weakened the frame and the door (but he'll pretend it didn't, because for a just a very tiny, tiny moment, it feels really good and heroic and he imagines that maybe Nikki Heat will have to have a moment like this where she breaks down a door too). And then his mind jumps to telling her all about how he so easily kicked down the door and he can hear the conversation and the banter, and he's reminded of how she smells kinda like cherries and how that fruit has never been the same since he realized it - but as his eyes survey the blackened damage, the smoke, the small fires still burning, the thoughts and the images and the cherries all disappear in a big terrified _poof_.

_Nikki will burn... _

He's not a super hero. But he surely feels like one when he finds her alive (_thank God, thank God, thank you God_), in the bathtub and he gives her his coat (he's a red-blooded male of course, so he can't help but spare a thought to the fact that she's there, naked and attractive, even though she's yelling at him and he's using some serious will power not to look) and he helps her out of the war zone. He's covered in soot and sweat and he's aching with relief (and probably because he ran twenty-something blocks – seriously, must've been more like seventy – to get to her because she wasn't answering her frickin' phone) as she hobbles unsteadily beside him, snapping about how mad she is this could have happened, about how she swears he peeked when he helped her into his coat and she will kill him for that as soon as she's been bandaged up. He can't help but smile and really feel like the super hero he's not (maybe just a regular hero, but he won't tell her that because she'll just swat his arm or roll her eyes and comment on how irritating his arrogance is, which he'll counter is just self-confidence and not arrogance and _did you see how I broke down that door?_).

_Kate is safe..._

Down in the ambulance as the medic looks her over and she's occupied answering his questions and assessing her injuries, he watches her and then there's this feeling that goes way beyond relief or a smile or feeling a little bit heroic. It's this feeling that's been there for a while, sort of hovering in the background and he always pushes it away because there's no time and she doesn't feel the same way and it'd just be too complicated and, and, and. But now it's overwhelming and he has to finally look away from her, lest he grab her face and kiss her senseless like a romance novel (he's only read them for research on how _not_ to write, he swears).

_Kate is safe..._

He saved her and he finally realized just how much she means to him, how much he loves her. And it takes a while – almost a full year, in fact – but then she finally realizes it too and then, _then_, he _does_ kiss her senseless and say how he feels out loud. The only thing better than seeing her alive in that tub is hearing her say how much she loves him back.

In the end, all the things he's not don't matter.

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**A/n:** May I just note how _much_ I royally loved "Tick, Tick" and "Boom", as well as Castle and Beckett's amazing dynamic? Just WOW. Anyways, thanks for reading! Reviews massively appreciated. :D


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